


The DadPants

by badlife



Category: mark fischbach - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, My First Fanfic, Satire, Warning: there's a hippie, Work In Progress, feel the cringe, sort of, wtf are you reading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6427315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlife/pseuds/badlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark Edward Fischbach wants to be just a normal guy doing silly videos on Youtube, but little does he know he is destined to become a superhero. Specifically, DadPants. Will he fight against fate or will he surrender to an unfathomable power? Is there a middle way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. LAZINESS IS PART OF A DIVINE PLAN

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, this is my first time writing, and I'm not a particularly creative person, but I've felt the need to post something ridiculous. If you have ideas or suggestions, please comment! :)  
> Inspired by some tumblr posts Mark made long time ago, in which he "put on his dad pants" and told fans to be nice.

It's a cold spring afternoon.

He, the chosen one, is lying on the couch in the living room, naked, his belly and chest covered in cereal. He's reading on his phone, comments on a video he posted on Youtube half an hour ago. Why is he naked? Because no one's home and he simply cannot be bothered to put clothing on. He dreamed of being naked in his own place since he was a child and his mom would barge into his room even though he said it countless times, that just knocking 3 seconds before, doesn't make it acceptable.

So here he is, roommates out somewhere, cereal lazily poured directly on his skin because fuck bowls, reading comments on a video named "Markiplier's Unnecessary Censorship #100". The comments vary from "when are u gonna play ____" to "SEPTIPLIER AWAY", to "holy spreadable Jesus on a stale cracker, this guy is as funny as balls cancer".  
Audibly sighing, he tosses his phone and shoves all the remaining cereal from his chest in his mouth. He plans to go to the bathroom because he's been holding a number two for half an hour now. But oh boy, he doesn't reach the bathroom. He doesn't even make two full steps and he chokes on the mouthful of cereal. He tries to cough and hits himself on the chest but to no avail. He tries to call his friends on the phone but his vision goes blurry and he drops the phone, he hits the floor ungracefully and passes out.

A bright light suddenly fills his eyes. When they adjust, he cannot believe what he's seeing. An old guy who seems to be a hippie, sitting on a cloud in the sky, in front of him. He's got a headband, long hair, a colorful shirt, the works. Mark realizes he is sitting on a cloud too, still naked, so he freaks out a bit. The guy begins talking happily and reassuringly:

"You must be brave, boy! You must go and face the masses, with a brand new you! Blessed be DadPants! Put on your pants! Put on your grown man pants!"

Mark doesn't have time to respond. He feels like he's falling from the sky, his vision goes black. He wakes up in a hospital bed, surrounded by Matt and Ryan, his roommates. 

 

“What...the fuck”, blurts Mark. 

“Hey! Dude, you scared the shit out of us!”

They’re very happy to see him awake and explain to him how they arrived home just in time to save his (naked) ass.  
They go home.  
Days pass.  
Mark still doesn’t want to think about the damn hippie. He thinks it must’ve been the lack of oxygen, giving him a funny “trip” like that. He doesn’t talk about it.


	2. DOG SHITS LEAD THE WAY TO A MASTERPLAN

One fateful night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and goes to get some water from the kitchen. Pitch dark, doesn’t even bother turning on the lights, he knows this house like the back of his hand. What he doesn’t know now is that Chica, his beloved dog, layed a massive shit right before the kitchen entrance and so he slides unceremoniously on it and faceplants on the floor.

His eyes fill with a bright light and the hippie is back. This time the man is standing right next to him, looking at Mark, who’s lying on the kitchen floor. The old guy admonishes, shaking a hand in which he’s holding a pink dildo, pointing it at the unfortunate victim:

“You fool! You think you can ignore your destiny? From this day on, everytime you put on proper pants, except leggings, you will be honest, you will be firm!”

He wakes up right after that. His head hurting, his skin stained with dog shit, his only garment, boxer briefs, also stained with dog shit. He gets up slowly from the kitchen floor and goes to fetch something to clean the mess. He hates that he couldn’t respond to the guy, at least to show him the middle finger!

After he finishes cleaning and taking an hour long shower, he sits down on the couch, tv on silent, and he begins thinking about it. He’s an intelligent man, and by now he figured something’s not right. All kinds of questions pop up in his head, none of them make sense. The only possible explanation: he must be going insane. He cries, more from anger and frustration than anything else. All this time doing silly videos on Youtube, dealing with crazy fans, dealing with real life shit, he thought he will handle it all. He hoped this day never came. He weeps silently in his fists, thinking of a way to tell his mom about it. _“Mom, not only I don’t have a girlfriend, a stable income or a degree, I’m also not playing with a full deck. I’m off my nut. But then maybe you already knew that. I’ve only just realized it.”_ Yeah. He sighs hopelessly and goes to bed.


	3. LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA

What would you do if you knew your days as a free, non-locked-in-a-mental-ward person, are soon to be over? How long will it take your friends and family to see that you’re not ok, that you’re a walking travesty? These are things Mark thinks about, now. But he continues with his daily routine, making videos, joking with his friends, enjoying the warm rays of afternoon sunshine after a long filming session. He bought and wore a significant amount of leggings after the “incident” and he didn’t give any proper explanation for them when his friends silently questioned them by jokingly widening their eyes. He tries to soothe himself by thinking they make his ass look good.

Chica is no longer planting feces where she shouldn’t be, but she’s more nervous than usual, because she senses Mark’s distress. He tries to remain as calm as possible, feeling guilty for the poor thing. But it’s the calm before the storm. Alarming thoughts run through his head: maybe he should quit Youtube so he won’t have to make an embarassing video about his “condition”. Maybe he should secretly see a psychiatrist. Or maybe….

He can’t believe he’s actually considering what the hippie said.


End file.
